A New Season

I posted a photo a while ago on instagram, where I had a wee rant about being 'Just a Mum.' I guess this is an elaboration on my thoughts surrounding said rant. 

Whenever someone asks me how I'm enjoying being a stay at home mum, my answer is generally the same- "I'm learning to embrace this season." Which is so true, I really am. But I have been asking myself the same question lately, why is it, that I have to learn to embrace this season, why can't I just embrace it? There are probably a million women out there who would love to be in my position. Stay at home mum of two, with an amazing husband, beautiful home and super supportive hands-on family! So why am I discontent? 

For some women it is totally the career thing. To be honest I had an important role in the job I had before having Shyra-Beth but one couldn't really call it a career. So if it's not the career thing for me, what is it? Why is it that I just can't embrace the fact that I'm a mum and that is my primary function at the moment. 

And then I had an epiphany, which came in the form of an article that caught my eye "Is it better for Moms to stay at home?"  It was the following passage that really resonated within me 

"I didn’t like that nothing was ever done. At work, I finished projects. At home, I could work the whole day, and at the end there was absolutely no evidence I had done anything at all. There was always more laundry to do, another mess in the living room, another meal to fix, another diaper to change. At work, I could tell when I was doing a good job. At home, I struggled to have confidence in my abilities. I was pouring into my kids, but the changes were so incremental I couldn’t tell if anything I was teaching them was taking hold. Was the investment of my time and energy really making a difference?"

 - Adrien Segal

And it suddenly all made sense! For a goal oriented person who used to live by to do lists, runsheets and write completed tasks on my list simply for the satisfaction of crossing them off, motherhood did not fit into that mould. Toddlers do not abide by runsheets and babies do not help with crossing off to do lists. You can't simply say "right my list says change eight nappies a day and you are on your ninth so tough, sleep in your poop tonight." A mother's work is never complete. Ask my mum that as she sat next to her grown up, mother of two daughter this week, making me take panadol and vitamins as I slept off my sinus infection. 

In this stage of motherhood, there is no completion, no sense of achievement, no finality. Motherhood does not satisfy my desire for a happy ending because it is on-going. 

Motherhood is not something that you do, it is who you become. I realised learning to embrace this new season was a not bad thing. In acknowledging that I have to learn I have identified a problem. Identifying a problem is the first step in resolving a problem. So how am I resolving this problem of embracing this season of motherhood? Well two things:

1. Thankfulness

Every single day, regardless of melt downs, giggles, story time, baking time, adventure time, poop everywhere time, I try my hardest to always find something to be thankful for. Thankful for Shyra telling me she loves me to the moon and back every night. Thankful for the way Jeremy loves snuggling into my shoulder. Thankful for the way Josiah still looks at me, even when I'm covered in spit up and have a monobrow because I haven't had time to get my brows done

2. Realising it is just a Season

Now some of our friends have put money on this. But we have a deal that I'm not allowed to make this decision until Jeremy is a year old, but I am 98% sure that I am not getting pregnant again. Which means there is an incredibly high chance that all of this. The spit up, the nappies, the breast feeding, the one income, the fluctuating hormones. This might be the last time. This might be the last time I get to see my baby smile for the first time. This might be the last time I stay up all night having cuddles because my baby is teething. 

Autumn is my definitely my favourite season. There's just something whimsical about the colours the leaves turn and the crisp, fresh air that just put me in my happy place! I was so adamant on being an autumn bride we only had a five month lead time to plan our wedding! But the thing we all know about seasons is that they change. Before you know it the tree covered in bright red and yellow leaves is bare, leaving crushed brown leaves on the ground, but give it a few months and the blossoms start appearing again. Such is motherhood I believe. Just when you think it gets really hard, it starts getting better but you look at your baby and your baby is a baby no more. 

So I'm going to be grateful and  learn to love it all. The good, the bad, the pukey and the ugly because I'm never going to get this season back ever again, even if by some miracle we do decide to have another child Shyra-Beth and Jeremy will never ever be this age again so I'm am going to learn to take all the cuddles with all the struggles

Rant over. xx

Chunky Vege and Bacon Hock Soup

So I was really tempted to name this post "The Vege Scraps Strike Again," but then I didn't. Ok so it is cold, like we just bought 10 boxes of thermals from Kathmandu cold. Seriously Rotorua makes Auckland feel like Bali, and it isn't even actually winter yet. 

With winter, comes soup season. Seriously though, there's nothing more inviting than coming home on a cold, wet, windy day and digging into a chunky, warm soup with some crusty bread. With soup recipes, a lot of them call for stock. This might just be me, but I personally feel like if you are going to make a soup with powdered stock, why don't you just have a continental cup a soup? Soup to me should be full bodied, nourishing and wholesome, but who on earth has time to make stock and then make soup? 

This is where the vege scrap stock strikes again... seriously I'm just a bit too obsessed with that phrase at the moment. Because you can make this stock when you get a spare minute and freeze it for months, it is literally at your disposal any time you need AND it literally costs nothing to make because as the name suggests, you make the stock from scraps. Check out my pea and lentil soup recipe for the vege scrap stock instructions. 

Jeremy has just started solids, so I've been making tonnes of baby food, so the idea of a thick pureed soup, didn't seem to appetizing for me. In my head I was almost thinking a minestrone type soup with chunks of bacon on the top. The slow cooker is also my favourite "baby is teething" kitchen appliance. 

Really, this soup could totally be made in the slow cooker if you didn't mind the vegetables completely broken down. All you would need to do is saute your veges, shallots, garlic and spices before they went in the slow cooker.

As you can see below, I didn't even bother defrosting my stock, I just let the slow cooker do the work for me! The other thing to note with the soup, feel free to use what ever veges you have on hand. Soup is a great way to hide your not so fresh but still edible veges 

I really feel like its the use of spice and fresh rosemary in this soup that gives it that extra depth of flavour but if these aren't things you have in your pantry feel free to replace with all spice or dried mixed herbs

Now for the best part of this recipe. Definitely helps achieve your five plus a day goals, it's cheap to make AND Shyra-Beth my chicken nuggy obsessed toddler ate two whole bowls of it including all the veges. Winner Winner Bacon Hock Dinner. About $8 in total for this meal which gave all three of us dinner and lunch the next day

Chunky Vege & Bacon Hock Soup

1 Bacon hock

2 litres of vege scrap stock

1 litre of water

2 cups of diced seasonal veges of your choice (I used squash, carrot, celery) 

Olive Oil

1 T Rosemary

1 shallot diced

2 cloves of garlic

1t cumin

1t coriander

1 can of diced tomatoes

Optional
1/2 cup of red lentils

1 cup of small pasta (By small i mean elbows or macaroni, I used these novelty bear shaped ones) 

1. Cook the Bacon Hock in the vege scrap stock. Either simmering on a stove top for 1.5 hours or on high in the slow cooker for about 4-5 hours, until the flesh is easy to pull off 

2. Remove the bacon hock from the stock and strip off the meat. Set the meat aside for later

3. In a large stock pot heat olive oil on a medium heat and add shallot, garlic, rosemary and your veges (I didn't add my squash at this point because I didn't want it to go mushy) 

4. Sweat the veges down until softened

5. Add the cumin and coriander powder and let it saute for a further few minutes

6. Transfer the stock from the slow cooker to the pot and add in 1 litre of water 

7. Bring to the boil (I added in my squash at this point)

8. Add in the can of diced tomatoes, lentils and pasta and lower the heat to a gentle simmer until the pasta is cooked through and lentils have broken down

9. Season and serve with chunks of bacon on the top

Spiced Feijoa Crumble Loaf

Today has been one of those days. A day where I want to give a standing ovation to every single person who works in childcare and loves working in childcare. 

Thursdays are the only day Shyra-Beth doesn't go to kindy. Usually this OCD organised mummy, ALWAYS has some sort of activity planned. Today the plan was to go the the animal nursery at the Agrodome. Seriously if you are ever in Rotorua you have to check the Agrodome out, especially if you have little animal lovers! 

However last night Master Paul decided to wake up at 2am which in turn woke Shyra-Beth up. Me being the amazing wife who didn't want to wake up my hard working husband, I tried to handle the situation by myself. MISTAKE. Basically to cut a long story short I ended up in bed with both babies and Josiah ended up sleeping in Shyra-Beth's room. This morning when we woke up I opened the drapes to find a bitterly cold, wet, windy day and I knew it was not worth trying to get two grumpy kids out of the house which was MISTAKE #2

I kid you not, we did every rainy day activity imaginable. We built forts, baked, watched movies, painted, coloured and rearranged all the living room furniture so that we could dance every time there was a song on Frozen. By the way, I'm doing all of this while constantly feeding a very grizzly, teething five month old! So right now I'm lying in bed, exhausted but so grateful for Shyra-Beth's amazing kindy, and my ultra cozy European cushions. 

Josiah's parents have a couple of feijoa trees and this year they got an amazing crop so we have tonnes of them! If you aren't from New Zealand you are probably wondering what the Fee- what-a is a Feijoa. Think of it as a guava cross with a passionfruit. I guess that is the best way I would describe it? I'm addicted, I was especially addicted while I was pregnant! I remember smashing through an entire bucket in like two days. It's just something about the sweet sour grittiness that is just oh so addictive! As you can see below, Shyra is a huge fan too! 

Having tonnes on the verge of being over ripe I thought I had better bake with them. I did a cake earlier this week but wasn't happy with it because I didn't put it in a big enough cake tin so most of it overflowed, the crumble was average and I could still really taste the baking soda in it. 

This recipe isn't for an overly sweet cake and is more of a tea cake as opposed to a dessert but it was still a winner in our house! Also I chose to do it in a loaf tin because it is so loaded with feijoa it is quite crumbly, so the loaf tin makes it easier to cut. Enjoy! 

Also make sure not to chuck out your feijoa skins, if it works I'll be sharing what I did with mine! Ooooooh the suspense

Spiced Feijoa Crumble Loaf

Cake

3/4 cup mashed feijoa

1 cup of sugar

125g melted butter

1 egg

1 1/2 cups flour

1 tsp ground ginger

1 tsp all spice

2 tsp cinnamon

1/2 tsp ground nutmeg

1 tsp baking soda

Crumble Topping

25g butter chopped

2T Flour

1/4 cup brown sugar

1/4 cup rolled oats

1/4 cup shredded coconut (Desiccated is fine but I prefer the texture of shredded) 

1. In a bowl whisk together melted butter, egg and sugar 

2. In another bowl sift all your dry ingredients 

3. Mix wet ingredients into the dry ingredients being careful not to over mix

4. Gently fold through mashed feijoa till well combined

5. Add butter, flour and brown sugar to a bowl and rub with your fingers until you get the consistency of bread crumbs

6. Add rolled oats and shredded coconut 

7. Pour the cake batter into a lined loaf tin and top with the crumble topping

8. Bake for  40-45 mins in a pre-heated oven 170 degrees Celsius or until the skewer comes out clean*

* Make sure to not put your tray too near to the top of the oven or your crumble might get a bit burnt 

Giving Babe the Best

Breast feeding is such a contentious issue. I mean there's #breastisbest #fedisbest #dontjudgejustfeed #sorenips #mybreastpumpsucks 

Ok but actually, this whole idea around feeding a baby has just gone crazy! Today I received my Haaka pump, I was literally so excited I almost greeted the courier with my boobs not quite in my bra yet....almost

So like all mum bloggers I thought I had better share my "breast feeding journey." Gosh, I really do hate that term. So to start with let's get one thing clear- I do not enjoy breast feeding. Like at all. I've read all these blogs about feeling like a life giving goddess, that amazing bond and all that, and yeah I totally get that life giving nutrients are literally flowing from you. But when I think of breast feeding all I think about is that time we took the kids to the Rotorua A & P Show and we walked into the milking shed. Hours on end, my full time job is to sit on my bottom and feed this beautiful precious child. That is my main function in life, as a breast feeding mum, just like a dairy cow. 

Let's get one thing straight, breast feeding was not difficult at all with Shyra-Beth. I was incredibly confused at the start because each different midwife I had at the hospital told me something different, but once my midwife who was also a lactation consultant came in and gave me direct step by step instructions we were off and away. I fed Shyra-Beth right up till a few weeks after her first birthday and then she discovered Anchor Silver Top and fell head over heels in love. In fact I remember the last time I breastfed. Josiah was at his soccer final and I was sitting on the couch watching Grey's Anatomy. It hit me, this is probably the last time I am going to breastfeed this child. There I sat waiting for it, sadness? remorse?... nada! Like actually if anything, if I'm being perfectly honest there might have been a hint a relief.

Does that make me a horrible person? I've had friends who have had the works! Sore, cracked nips, intense pain. Here I was having no breast feeding consequences other than dire boredom and raging hormones (not in a good way at all) and I really disliked doing it. Am I allowed to say that? In a culture where breast is best is so glorified, am I able to express my feelings around this issue?

Jeremy has been a whole different story. From day one I noticed his latch was different but as he was piling on the weight in start, it didn't really worry me. It wasn't until after we were discharged by the midwife that he started dropping percentiles. By 3 months, he was feeding all the time, but had dropped two weight percentiles and gone up 2 height percentiles. Shyra-Beth did the same thing around the same age so we weren't too worried, until I started connecting dots. My nips were always sore, I wasn't hormonal, I had never needed a breast pad even when we started doing long stretches at night and when i pumped for a friend I got next to nothing. My mum-tuition started kicking in so I took him to the doctors. Two doctors and a nurse who was a former midwife looked at him and said nothing was wrong. But mummy always knows best. One appointment with the lactation consultant and less than a week later Jeremy was getting his Grade 2, lip and tongue tie lasered! Yay for our first pain free feed! Featured below

Two months later, this boy is feeding heaps better, my supply is up but he is still not putting on enough weight! He does long stretches at night but feeds quite a bit during the day. We have just started solids and plunket has recommended I start expressing as well. 

Ahhh expressing the joy of my life. Actually no, I dislike it more than breastfeeding. The buzz of the pump, the looking at cute baby videos to stimulate oxytocin, the fact that you literally just have to sit there and do nothing apart from maybe watch TV or read a book. The only time of day I can sit and do nothing is when both my babies are asleep and during those moments the last thing I want to do is sit there and feel like a glorified milking cow! This is where the Haaka Pump comes in! 

You attach it and that is it, completely hands free! This morning I had it attached while I helped Shyra-Beth with breakfast and TA DA, 50ml of milk. 50ml of milk would normally take me 20-30 minutes of sitting down and expressing with my electric pump. My most intense let down is first thing in the morning after JJ sleeps 9pm-7am (Yes I know, he is amazing) So I have my wee Haaka pump chilling on my bedside table waiting to be attached first thing tomorrow morning! 

So I fully don't know if anyone actually reads these, or I'm just ranting away to myself. But if you are...There's such a mum-culture about giving baby the absolute best everything. For goodness sake we have a $800 pram! That's more expensive that most first cars! I guess the moral of my story is give baby the best that you can. That may be breast milk or it may be formula. You give baby what is best for baby, even if it comes as a sacrifice to you. But don't mistake the fine line between sacrifice and suffering. You can't give baby your best if you are suffering, and if breast feeding is causing you to suffer, it's not worth it. If like me, breast feeding is just annoying, do it, make the sacrifice, your babe will thank you for it! 

That's my 2 cents for today! But seriously if you are a breast feeding mumma Haaka have their original pumps on special for only $20! It really is a must have! 

Chicken and Ginger Bone Broth

Having lived in Singapore till I was 10, I didn't grow up drinking these beautiful creamy chunky soups that are very popular in the Western world. I grew up drinking broth wayyy before bone broth was trending! Chicken and corn, Pork Bone Ba Ku Teh and the broth that comes with Hainanese Chicken rice. There is something about a good broth that warms your being from the inside out. Ginger is one of those super foods which I love. It's anti-nausea, anti-inflammatory and fights infections. This broth was definitely consumed during my pregnancy (everything made me want to barf) and of course in winter when the toddler comes home with every bug possible from kindy. 

I serve this broth on its own, with rice porridge if someone in the family has fallen prey to a tummy bug, use it as a base for my broccoli and potato soup (halving the amount of ginger) or serve it with my favourite pork and mushroom wontons. 

I'll share my favourite wonton recipe and my garlic bak choy recipe with you all some other time. 

But for today, here's the broth!

• 500g chicken bones (frames, backs or necks are pretty good) I normally buy about $4 worth per broth at my local butcher
• 1 onion halved
• 3 stalks of celery chopped roughly
• 2 carrots chopped roughly
• 2 (lady) thumb sizes of ginger, 1x bruised, 1x grated finely
• 10 cloves of garlic whole
• 1 t of sesame oil
• Spring onion chopped roughly
• 1 T of whole black pepper corns 
• 1 star anise
• white pepper
• salt

A big stock pot would be handy, I'm itching for a 12l one but for now 5l one has to suffice

1. Boil a jug a water
2. Heat your sesame oil on a medium heat and sautee celery and onion till semi-soft
3. Add in Chicken bones, onion, bruised ginger, garlic cloves, spring onion, pepper corns and star anise to the pot
4. Pour boiled water over everything until the chicken bones are just submerged
5. Bring to the boil* 
6. Remove scum from the top with a slotted spoon
7. Reduce heat and simmer for about half an hour, removing additional scum that might surface as required 
8. Once the veges start going soft, remove the stock from the heat.
9. Pull out the chicken bones first and set aside
10. Strain the rest of the stock. You can use a strainer and/or cheese cloth
11. Return the stock to the heat and add in finely grated ginger, white pepper and salt**
12. Bring stock to the boil and let it reduce to about 2/3s of the original amount. So if you started with 3l of stock you want to reduce it down to 2l. Be sure not to over reduce the broth as you will be left with seawater. The key is to keep tasting it
13. For a quick meal, pull off some of the chicken meat from the bones and chuck in dried noodles and some bok choy to cook in the broth. 

*This step is really important as it brings all the scum or froth to the top, once you remove this you get a much clearer broth 

**Don't add in too much as you are going to reduce this down, start minimally and add as you go 

Pea and Lentil Soup- 4 litres for $4

Soup season is upon us! And it has come with a vengeance. Last winter was my first winter here in Rotorua and I barely survived, that was with my internal pregnancy heater! Seriously though Auckland might as well be Bali, compared to the winters we get down here... yes I am aware it is not yet winter. 

This soup, almost seems to good to be true. It is silky, luscious, hearty and so, so so good. But it literally costs less than $4 to make! Nothing out of a packet, no pre-made sachets. All from scratch. The secret? Vege Scrap Stock! 

Two things I love, is a good homemade stock and zero waste! I saw a facebook video someone shared a while back on vege scrap stock, and just had to give it a go. Disclaimer with this recipe, because what you are putting in your scrap bag is inconsistent, it obviously will not always taste the same. This batch of stock was quite sweet because I had just done a whole lot of stewed apples, just bare that in mind, that you will not have the same consistency you would get with store bought stock. 

Vege Scrap Stock

So I started a large glad snaplock bag and every time I cut veges, I would pull it out and all my scraps to it. Things like onion skins, apple cores, rosemary branches. If it's biodegradable, it went in the bag. When the bag was full: 

1. I separated the scraps into two pots
2. Filled with water and brought to the boil on a high heat
3. Reduced heat to a low-medium and let it simmer uncovered for 30 mins. 
4. Let is cool
5. Strain and fill your ice- cream containers
6. Freeze! (Will keep for months in your deep freeze) 

Yesterday was one of those day, where the only thing that went right was my soup. JJ is cutting his first tooth, poor bugs cheeks are so red, being the sooky he is, he literally needed to be carried all day. Shyra-Beth was in full blown terrific two mood, which included a 45 min rampage through the house. I literally needed to make something I could just chuck on stove and kinda look at it ever 15 mins or so. 

This is cheap, lazy, peasant food at it's finest- Pea and Lentil soup. The sweetest from the peas, nuttiness from the lentils, heartiness from the potatoes, all accentuated by the humble salt and pepper is the perfect "come home from work to" meal. You can totally make this in your slow cooker too! 

Pea & Lentil Soup

4 litres of vege scrap stock

Approx 350g of frozen peas (I used a third of a 1kg bag) 

4 medium sized potatoes chopped roughly 

1/2 cup yellow lentils

2T lemon juice (just bottled) 

Salt and Pepper 

Parsley

1. If you have time to defrost your stock, do so otherwise just put in a big pot on a low heat and let it melt.

2. Once the stock has melted, add your lentils and potatoes and simmer on a medium heat

3. Once the lentils are just starting to break down and your potatoes soft enough for a fork to run through add your frozen peas till those are cooked. 
4. Blitz with a stick blender 
5. This is where it depends on what your stock tastes like. I felt it needed some acid so I added Lemon juice and salt & pepper and some chopped parsley for freshness! 
6. Served with some of our absolute favourite, Ploughmans Pumpkin Toast! 

Being a breast feeding mumma, with a teething baby, I did need some protein. So I stirred through some left over pasta mince we had from the night before and it was so good. So this soup does make a good base if you want to add other things to it like ham, corn or chunky veges. But it is just fine on its own!