In my drug induced exhausted state, my very first words I said when I saw Shyra-Beth was "oh she is so fair!" Initially I had a few random Asian grandmas ask if she was mine but as she has grown older, browner and started to display some of my features, I haven't had anyone look quizzically at us in a while. But if you know us personally, let's be honest, as soon as Shyra opens her mouth, everyone knows she's mine.
Let's fast forward to Jeremy, if you follow me on instagram, you would know I sometimes make reference in jest to the fact I had a white kid with grey eyes whose hair is now dark blonde. And yes I do think it is quite funny. I've had to get used to the double takes at the supermarket every week and of course the oh so popular, "how did he come from you?" And in all honesty I do laugh it off, I do find it quite funny most of the time. Don't worry I'm not going all #brownisbeautiful or #mixedbabiesrule on you in this post, even though I totally agree the colour of my children's skin has nothing to do with how utterly adorable they are.
I guess this whole identification marker thing has been playing on my mind. How do you tell that a child has come from a parent? In a world full of mixed race marriages and blended families it isn't always easy to tell from external appearances.
But I want to take it further than appearances today and talk about a child's character. I know children aren't always a reflection of their parents but I guess its this whole nature vs nurture argument. I have no say in how my children look, but how much should I be concerned about the people they are becoming? As their mum, what role do I play in shaping their character? I remember having a really hormonal stint in my second trimester with Shyra-Beth where I was absolutely inconsolable for a good two weeks because I was convinced I was going to ruin a life I didn't feel qualified to be responsible for. Any mums feel me out there?
When Shyra-Beth first started having tantrums she would throw herself, like her entire body face first flat on the ground for a few minutes and then get up entirely composed. I thought it was the most bizarre thing until one day when my parents were over and she had a tantrum. The look on my dad's face was priceless, he looked at me and said "I haven't seen that happen in 25 years." Eluding to the fact that, that was exactly what I used to do when I was upset. There for you is nature right there. However a year ago during one of the lowest points of my pregnancy with Jeremy, I burst into tears in front of Shyra-Beth who was a few months off her second birthday at the time. Shyra walked over to me, wiped my tears away and said "it's ok mummy" and gave me a hug. I would like to think that there is nurture.
If you are reading this and wondering at what point I'm going to offer some sort of magical tip or solution to raising wonderful human beings... it's not coming. I guess this post is more a reflective parenting pondering. Just to be incredibly deep and insightful right now, I guess the whole nurture thing comes down to Monkey See, Monkey Do. Does my behaviour reflect the characteristics I want to see in my children? That's my challenge daily as I bring up these little ones. So before being able to see how good a job I'm doing at this, step one would be to identify these characteristics. I've been thinking about these for the last few weeks and I'm not entirely 100% set on these and I feel like they are a work in progress.
1// Followers of Christ
2// Kind
3// Stand against Injustice
4// Hardworking
5// Honest
Instagram would tell you I've been currently running on about 3 hours sleep per night for last month, so if this post makes no sense, let's blame the sleep deprivation. If this concept is something you identify with I'm really interested to hear what your top 5 characteristics are, even if you don't yet have kids, so please message and let me know what your top 5 are! xx Mags
