Today you are One!

A letter to my son...

To my darling Jeremy, 

I cannot believe you are one today! It literally feels like yesterday I was giving you abundant cuddles and not letting the midwives put you in your own bassinet. Come to think of it, it was just yesterday that I let you sleep in my arms because I couldn't handle the thought that my squishy little baby is now a little boy. 

You are such a big mover. I still can't believe you rolled over at 9 days old! And once you got the hang of rolling you rolled everywhere and constantly ended up getting stuck under the coffee table. Now you are a champion crawler, one can always hear your thumping crawl before actually seeing you. Walking is not far off for you, but take your time my darling because once you get going there will be no stopping you. 

I love that you are a bundle of affection. Your big sloppy kisses are the highlight of my mornings especially when I can barely keep my eyes open from having stayed up all night with you.  I love how your first smile for me was when I told you that I loved you. I've so enjoyed seeing your little personality grow and develop. You love eye contact and seek it out just so you can smile at someone, anyone. I'm always finding you having chats with random people at the supermarket, which is the only type of shopping you like. You are my snuggle bug through and through, loving the front pack over the pram unless we are going on a big walk with lots of things for you to see

You currently have the attention span of a goldfish but I've noticed over the last few weeks touch and feel books have managed to steal your attention for more than a second. You are such a go-er my boy, make sure you remember to stop and enjoy the moment. 

You adore your sister and you are always yelling for her especially when she's at kindy. I love watching the two of you play and fight. You definitely give as good as you get son! We will have to warn Sbyra-Beth that it is not long before you are going to be bigger and stronger than her, but by then I'm sure you will just be smothering her with your hugs and no longer pulling her hair! 

My little boy through and through, you love being outside and exploring everything. You aren't an animal lover like your sister but you are intrigued by anything that makes a noise. You thump, thud, clash and bang on anything you can get your hands on. Your latest trick is clapping your hands/ And you are SOOOO loud, like all the time. I think you get that from me. You are passionate, determine, loving, exuberant, opinionated and all the qualities daddy and I are going to have such a wonderful time parenting as you approach your teenage years. 

My utter delight, the joy of my heart. It is a gift and honour to be your mummy

Love, 

Mummy 

Fresh 48 Photoshoot by Grace Jones Photography

We didn't choose the Parent life, it Chose Us

I posted a photo on instagram a while ago saying I was staring at a blog title called "I didn't choose the mum life the mum life chose me" but I wasn't brave enough to write it. Yes, it still terrifies me to write what I'm about to, but I think the reason why I initially couldn't write it was because this journey hasn't been about me. It's been about us, Josiah and Magdalene Paul. I thought I would share a little bit about our journey. I think growth is something to be celebrated. Today is part one of this celebration.

See these two kids, little did they know just over 8 months from this day, they would be hit with news that would change their lives forever. We had dated almost 4 years before we got married, most of that long distance. I was young, fresh out of my parents home, immature and dramatic which didn't make for a good combination. Those first few months were tough, we both made mistakes and we both had different ideas of what marriage looked like. 

I bought a pregnancy test as a "haha lets just make sure we aren't" but when the two lines took their time appearing my first thoughts were not my own, 

Mary's Song- Luke 1: 46,49

"My soul glorifies the Lord... for the Mighty One has done great things in me" 

Mary's song suddenly became my own and even though this baby inside me wasn't planned by usI was reassured that this child was something great. 

When I told Josiah his response was "you are joking" followed by, are you 100% sure? 6 pregnancy tests and a blood test later and we were definitely sure. My husband smiled with his lips but not with his eyes. Looking back, I can't blame him. He is logical and a provider by nature, a baby therefore threw spanner in our plans especially financially. A week later the morning sickness kicked in with brute force and lasted another four months. In that time I think I cried in my office every day at work. Partially from feeling sick and useless at our busiest time of the year, but partially because I didn't understand my husband's lack of enthusiasm. My pregnancy was tough with one thing after the next but to cut a long story short I think we were both terrified about what was to come, but we were scared apart, as opposed to facing our fear together

When I was admitted into hospital, the three day long induction before I went into labour was the longest time we had spent together since our honeymoon. We chatted, we laughed and we did countless laps up and down stairs and around Waitakere hospital I started to forget how alone I had felt the past 9 months and started remembering why I fell in love with him. Which was good because neither of us knew what was about to happen during my 30 hour long labour with Shyra-Beth, but that is a story for another time. 

I remember the moment. I was lying in bed still unable to move after my c-section and Josiah stood there holding this baby in his arms. The look on his face as he held her, is one etched into my memory forever. The utter love, devotion and protection. He said nothing, but he didn't have to. I knew that regardless of what our pregnancy journey had been he was going to love this little girl to the moon and back. 

You may look at our photos now and we may seem like the perfect little nuclear family, mum, dad, daughter and son with our first home and our vege garden. This is not the life we had planned for the first 4 years of our marriage. This is not the life we asked for but it was the life we were given. We were given a beautiful gift but we couldn't see its worth until she arrived. We couldn't see that our daughter gave us a cause fight for. Gave us a reason to improve our communication and pour into our marriage because we saw just how much she needed us both. Even when it was tough we continued to choose love, because of her and now we choose love because we want to. Because love is wonderful, marriage is wonderful but its hard. Unexpected things happen all the time. It might not necessarily be an unplanned baby 

My husband Josiah is the most incredible dad and I wouldn't want to do this life with anyone else. Maybe one of these days I'll pick up some more courage and write part two of our parenthood journey. xx Mags